Sara's Secrets
by cinderella9056
Summary: Sara has kept several things secret from her co-workers what happens when her secrets and her past comes to life? Who will be there for her in her time of need?
1. Chapter 1

Sara's Secrets

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or its characters

A/N: I am new at writing fan fiction so please review and tell me what you think and thank you to my beta

Chapter One

Sara Sidle let out a sigh. She was tired of the way Gilbert Grissom had been treating her, his rude behavior. Sara had laid out all her cards on the table and asked him out on a date after the explosion at the CSI Lab. His response? He told her that he didn't know what to do about it. Then, to top it all off, while Sara was in the viewing room watching Grissom talk to Dr. Lurie, Grissom said he couldn't do it he couldn't risk it all. Sara knew he was talking about her and that was when Sara knew she had to move on; that he wasn't going to ever take a chance to be with her.

Sara knew Gil cared, he was just too damn chicken shit to do anything about it. Sara knew she couldn't let her life revolve around Grissom and the lab anymore. That was self-destructive behavior.

Sara needed to get out and do something other than work all the time. And reading forensic journals and listening to the police scanner when she was not working didn't count. Sara knew the real problem. She worked all the time because she had no one to come home to anymore, not a cat or dog, nor her children and husband, nothing to welcome her home.

Sara shook her head, banishing the thought she was about to have. She was sick of living in Grissom's shadow and being available all the time. All he had to do was call and she dropped everything. Sara's life had been the lab and doing everything she could to please Grissom, to be like Grissom. That was going to stop now. She couldn't remember the last time she had been truly happy just being 'Sara.'

Sara was tired of Grissom's game of push-and-pull. Grissom had hurt her too much; too many times for there to ever be anything between them. Sara had once told Grissom that he was going to be too late. After the way Grissom had treated her she was done with him. Grissom wasn't the one she trusted, he wasn't the one she cared about she realized.

Her Co-workers had seen how Grissom had treated Sara over the last year and they didn't think it was right but what could they do after all he was the boss.

Nick had told her that she needed to get out more and Sara had started to date Hank the Snake, boy was that a mistake, he failed to mention he already had a girlfriend. That had made her mad and she was hurt even though she never loved him. So she had turned her attention back to Grissom; that was another mistake.

She had changed so much since she first came to Vegas. She was miserable. Sara only had a couple friends outside the lab, and every time Sara tried to do something with them, Grissom had called her in and she had gone in.

Warrick Brown and Nick Stokes had asked Sara to go out with them to bars and clubs but that would have brought back memories that she hadn't been ready to face yet. Maybe Sara should give it a try again. Sara would have to talk to Nick about it. Nick and Sara were close, best friends actually, Sara needed a distraction from work and she knew Nick could help her find one. She hadn't told anyone about her past, not even Nick.

Nick had never said anything about her crush on Grissom but she figured that he had known about it; that everyone had known about it.

Her ex-husband Peter Connors had kidnapped her children after the judge had given her sole custody and Peter only visitation rights every other weekend. He had taken them god knows where on one of his weekends. She hadn't seen them in five years. She longed for her children and thought about them often. She would never be able to forget her children but she needed to start to live again.

In Sara's fantasies about Grissom she never thought of them married with children. What kind of father would Grissom make with working all the time and his bugs?

Sara had realized her and Grissom were too much alike to ever really make a go of it. She wanted to have a life and be happy again.

She understood it would be hard to change how she had become. She wasn't the same person she was before. Sara had turned to work to compensate for what was missing in her life, her children. The twin boys Trevor and Travis would now be 8 and her little girl Jasmine would be almost 7 years old. She missed them with every fiber of her being.

Drake Howard the FBI agent assigned to her case had never given up on finding her ex-husband and her children but Sara wasn't sure anymore that they would ever be found. It had been so long. She often wondered what they would look like now. She knew she had missed so much in her children's lives thanks to Peter.

Sara wondered if she would ever have a chance to love someone again. She missed being a wife and mother. That would shock everyone who knew her in Vegas. No one thought she had a maternal side, they didn't know that she had children because it was hard to talk about her children, she missed them so much, and it was like a part of her was missing.

Sara realized she had to get ready; it was getting late and she was dreading going to work. Grissom had been ignoring her or being rude to her, giving her the worst assignments, it had only been a couple weeks since she heard Grissom talking to Dr. Lurie.

She thought about leaving Vegas but she really didn't want to do that either. Nick Stokes, Warrick Brown, Catherine Willows, Jim Brass and Greg Sanders were like family to her and she just didn't want to leave them no matter how Grissom behaved.

Sara finished getting ready for work, ate and headed out the door and locked it behind her. She drove her Denali to the Las Vegas Crime Lab. She was the first one there beside Grissom. She was early because she wanted to check with the DNA lab and see if they had gotten a hit on the sample that she and Nick collected from the rape,/homicide from last night. She always hated rape and domestic violence cases. They got to her the worst because when she was twelve her mother found out that Sara's father had been sneaking into Sara's bedroom and raping her. Sara's mother snapped and stabbed him to death. She and her brother Ryan had gone to a foster home. For four years she was in that home, she graduated at sixteen and she went to Harvard.

Sara walked down the hallway to the DNA lab after she had stowed her gear in her locker, and got her gun and badge out. She hoped that Greg was already there. She walked into the lab that was blaring music and looked at Greg. "Greg." Sara said to get his attention and he looked up from what he was doing "Do you have my results from last night?"

"Yes I do," Greg looked at her and smiled; he had been in love with her since he met her.

"Well did we get a hit on the boyfriend?" Sara looked at Greg and waited for her answer

"I compared the DNA you gave me to the boyfriend and didn't get a match but there were enough markers alike to know they are related probably a brother or father."

"So a close male relative of the boyfriend raped and murdered her. Thank you Greg." Sara grabbed the sheet of paper out of Greg's hand and went down the hall toward the break room to get a cup of coffee. She hoped Greg had made a pot of his Blue Hawaiian coffee; she didn't think she could stand day shifts swill. She was in luck, Greg had indeed made a pot of coffee. As she took a sip of the hot coffee, she sat down and took her phone out to call Brass.

"Brass." Brass answered his phone in his office.

"Hey Jim. I have just gotten the DNA results on the boyfriend and it doesn't match but it is a close male relative of the boyfriend who raped and murdered Angelina Rosetti the vic from last night."

"I'll bring the boyfriend in for questioning. I'll call you when I've got him." Brass hung up the phone got up and he left to go get the boyfriend.

Right as Sara hung up, Nick and Warrick walked into the break room talking about some video game. They each got a cup of coffee and Nick walked over to where Sara was seated on the couch and sat down next to her. "What's up Sara?"

"I went to see Greg and got our results on the boyfriend and he told me that the DNA didn't match the boyfriends but that there was enough markers the same that it had to be a close male relative of the boyfriend. I just talked to Brass and he's gone to bring the boyfriend in so we can talk to him." Sara informed Nick who was seated next to her.

"That's great Sara. Is Brass calling when he gets the boyfriend to PD." Nick questioned, looking at Sara.

"Yes." Sara looked at Nick, and wondered when the best time would be to talk to him about a life outside the lab. She thought about telling Nick about her past, but at this time she didn't know if she wanted to or not. She would decide later.

"Okay." Nick said, Sara didn't notice Nick watching her because she had her nose buried in a forensic journal but Warrick did notice Nick watching Sara.

Warrick knew that they cared about each other, it showed in the way they talked to each other, flirted with each other, treated each other and the way they looked at each other when the other one was not looking. Sara let Nick get away with just about anything, where no one else could. Nick didn't get upset or angry often but when he did look out! heads were going to roll and all Sara has to do is touch him to calm him down. They were made for each other.

Warrick wished that Nick would get his head out of his ass and ask her out already. Didn't he realize she was over Grissom? If they didn't do something soon Warrick was thinking about ways of getting them together and making them admit to their feelings for each other. He wasn't sure how to do that, maybe he would ask Catherine. Catherine and Sara were good friends now, after a very rocky start. She might have some ideas. Warrick was so lost in thought he didn't even hear Catherine come into the room.

She finally got through to him after repeatedly calling his name "Warrick, Warrick, earth to Warrick." When he looked up at her, Catherine sat down next to him with a cup of hot coffee.

"What did you want Cath?" Warrick asked his friend.

"What were you thinking about? I've been calling your name for a good five minutes?" Catherine was curious because it must be something pretty important to not notice her calling his name.

"Just some stuff I need to do." Warrick replied cryptically, knowing at a later time that he would tell her.

"I'll find out what it is." Catherine smiled, knowing she could get it out of him. She would do it when they were alone though.

Sara and Nick were watching Warrick and Catherine and wondering what he was thinking about too. Sara though had more important things on her mind. Sara was waiting for a chance to talk to Nick alone. She didn't want the whole lab to overhear her and Nick talk.

Sara felt she had been talked about enough by the whole lab when she had felt something for Grissom. She didn't want to be gossiped about again. She would invite Nick over for breakfast and talk to him then. They hung out a lot, so she was sure he would come over.

Sara decided it was time to tell Nick about her life and why she was the way she was, so he could understand her. She trusted Nick more than she had ever trusted anyone else in her life. She knew Nick wouldn't betray her trust.

Grissom entered the break room ready to hand out assignments.

"Nick how is your case from last night going? Any leads?" Grissom totally ignored Sara. Grissom didn't even look at her. He didn't talk to her, which was a normal behavior for Grissom lately.

Nick was angry at the way Grissom treated Sara. Grissom ignored her as if she wasn't even there. Sara knew Nick was angry and put her hand on his arm to calm him down which he did immediately after he looked at her. Grissom frowned when Sara put her hand on Nick's arm. Grissom realized he was jealous at how at ease Sara was when she touched Nick. Grissom knew that Sara and Nick hung out a lot but he wondered if that was all it was. Of course it was; Sara loved Grissom not Nick even though when Grissom called one of them in when they had the night off together, you heard the other one in the background. He never thought Sara would move on, that she might give up on him and the game of push-and-pull that he played with her. He had been doing that for a little over four years although Sara had been different the last couple of weeks. She had stopped coming to stand at his doorway at the end of shift and waiting for Grissom to look up and notice her and say goodbye when she left for the day.

Nick answered Grissom's questions but Grissom missed everything that Nick had said because he was lost in thought about Sara. Maybe he should make a move to bring her back to hoping that something could happen between them. He wasn't ready to risk his career for her but he didn't want her with anyone else either.

"Nick, can you repeat that again, I was lost in thought and missed what you said?" Grissom informed Nick.

"What I said was that Sara found out that the boyfriend's DNA wasn't a match but that there were enough markers that it had to be a close male relative of the boyfriend. She called Brass and he went to bring the boyfriend in to be questioned." Nick repeated what he had said before.

"Okay Nick, you and Sara keep working on that. Warrick you have a 419 at a residence in Henderson. Address is on the assignment sheet. Take Catherine with you. I have a 419 at the Tangiers."

"I'm driving." Catherine told Warrick, Catherine knew that they would talk on the way and she would find out what he was thinking about before Grissom came in. They headed to the locker room to get their kits. Grissom walked out behind Catherine and told Nick goodbye, not saying anything to Sara again.

"Sara." Nick started to say something, worried about her reaction to how Grissom ignored her.

"Nick I know what you are going to say. I don't care what Grissom does anymore. I don't want to be with him. I am over him. What hurts is that Grissom and I had a good friendship once and that friendship has been destroyed. I was a fool, I pinned all my hope on something that would never happen. I know he has feelings for me but even if he woke up and wanted a chance to be with me it would be too late. I have moved on with my life and Grissom can go to hell, he's too late." Sara tells Nick passionately.

Nick was shocked. He thought that Sara would die in love with Grissom and here she said she didn't want him anymore, Nick was hopeful that maybe now he had a shot at being with Sara. "Sara you astonish me. I thought that Grissom could do no wrong in your eyes. Are you sure you are really over him?"

"Nick, I don't want to talk about this here. Would you like to come to my place for breakfast? I'll even cook for you." Sara smiled at Nick and hoped he would accept her invitation.

Sara was afraid that he would have a prior engagement with some leggy big-busted blonde airhead. Sara had a lot to tell him and she had chosen today to do it because for one she didn't want to lose her nerve and two they were both off schedule the next night.

"I would love to Sara. I didn't know that you knew how to cook though." Nick smiled at the thought of being alone with Sara now that he knew she was no longer interested in Grissom. It wouldn't be the first time they were alone but before he never thought she would ever get over Grissom. Maybe there was a chance to win Sara's heart. He had been in love with her since the day he met her throwing dummies off the roof.

"There's a lot about me you don't know Nicky. I grew up in a bed and breakfast so I learned to cook at an early age." This is the first time he heard anything about her past. Sara never talked about her life before she came to Vegas four years ago.

Sara's phone rang. She took out her phone and noticed that the caller was Brass. She answered it like she normally does. "Sidle."

"I've got the boyfriend at PD. You want to come over? He is in the interrogation room waiting for you." Brass informed Sara. He thought of Sara like a daughter. He hated how Grissom was treating her and he was tired of it and was going to talk to Grissom about it.

"Nick and I will be right over." Sara told Brass and hung up the phone and took a long look at Nick. "I have some things I want to tell you just not here, can it wait till we get to my apartment?"

"Okay it can wait, let's go." Nick got up off of the couch and held his hand out to Sara who took it and got up. They went to the locker room and got their kits and headed out to the Denali. Sara said "I'm driving." So Nick got in the passenger seat of the Denali. Sara started the Denali and headed over to the Police Department.

Nick and Sara walked into the PD and found Brass who led them into the interrogation room that Stanley Myers is in. He was sitting at the table, twiddling his thumbs. Sara noticed the nervous habit. Maybe he knows something, Sara thought.

Brass, Nick and Sara sat down at the table. "I am Sara Sidle this is my partner Nick Stokes we are from the crime lab. We met last night. I don't know if you remember that though. And this is Detective Jim Brass who you already know."

"Yes I remember you took a swab of my mouth." Stanley was nervous after being put in a squad car and being taken to the police station "Why am I here? What do you want? I didn't hurt Angelina. I didn't kill her I loved her."

"We know you didn't, but someone did and we want your help in finding out who killed her." Nick tells the nervous Stanley.

Stanley relaxed a little bit. "What do you want to know? I will help in any way I can."

Sara took over from Nick. They have their routine down pat. "Mr. Myers, what is your family like? Do you have any brothers? Is your father still alive?"

"Why do you want to know about my family? What does this have to do with Angelina's murder?" A curious Stanley asked, not expecting this time of questions.

Brass tells Stanley. "It's just we need to know a little more about you, where you come from and what your family is like. So please answer the questions,"

"Okay I have two brothers, Michael and Steven. My father is dead."

Nick informed Stanley "The DNA sample we took from you last night came back and it cleared you but there was enough markers in the DNA that we believe one of your brothers raped and killed Angelina."

'"That's not possible." a shocked Stanley exclaimed. "Steven and Michael would not have done that. They loved her." Stanley thought for a minute and said "Well Michael didn't. Angelina and Michael had a weird relationship one minute they acted like the best of friends and the next they would be yelling at each other. Michael wouldn't have killed her though. My brothers knew I loved her and Michael wouldn't have raped and killed her. He isn't capable of doing that." He was dazed that they could think that one of his brothers was responsible for his girlfriend's death.

Sara replied. "We need to talk to your brothers. We need to get a DNA sample to eliminate them as suspects. You want to tell us where they are right now. The DNA test will prove who killed her and if they aren't guilty the DNA test will prove that too."

After thinking for a moment Stanley answered, "Okay I'll tell you where you can find them. I know that neither one of my brothers could have done this and the DNA test will prove that you are barking up the wrong tree and then maybe you can find out who really killed Angelina." Stanley was convinced that he was right. Neither of his brothers were capable of rape and murder, especially not Angelina's. What would be the motive?

Stanley told Brass where they would be and Brass sent uniforms to get them and bring them to the station while he got a warrant for the DNA samples of both of Stanley's brothers. Brass explained to the judge about the markers and that is why they need a warrant for a DNA sample for the brothers. The judge gave it to him.

Brass had the brothers put into separate rooms and led Sara and Nick into Steven Myers room, who willingly gave a DNA sample.

When they went into the interrogation room that Michael Myers was in he refused to open his mouth. Brass held up the warrant for the DNA sample and he knew he was in trouble so he decided to tell them what had happened. Brass asked him if he wanted an attorney. He said no. He just wanted to tell them what happened. Brass recorded the conversation with Nick and Sara also in the room.

Michael Myers started to tell them what happened yesterday and how Angelina wound up dead. Michael was in love with Angelina and he was her lover and she told him that she wasn't sleeping with Stanley. She thought she was pregnant and told Michael about it and Michael who wasn't able to have children, knew she had slept with Stanley and that it was Stanley child he got mad he walked away though, a couple of days later she got her period and she found out she wasn't pregnant but Michael was still mad that she had slept with Stanley.

Michael was so much older than Angelina, a good twelve years, and they didn't want anyone to know about them, so she started to date his brother so no one would guess that they were together. People were suspicious of them, A couple of days after she got her period Michael had gone over to Angelina's just to talk, to tell her that he wanted her to break up with Stanley and to come out of the closet with their relationship. She wouldn't do it. She said she liked Stanley too much to hurt him, that Michael and her had to end it, that she wanted to be with Stanley not him and he lost his temper and he accidentally killed her. Michael was just trying to show her how much he loved her, he was trying to make love to her as he had a hundred times before when she hit him, Angelina fought him so he took her to the floor and raped her. She was screaming at him to stop and so he took the phone that was laying on the floor where it had fallen during the struggle and took the cord and wrapped it around her neck and squeezed it to get her to shut up and stop screaming. He didn't realize he had killed her until after he was finished raping her. Michael killed her and left her there in her house. Michael said that he was not thinking straight and he had loved Angelina and didn't mean to kill her. But he had. Brass arrested him for the rape and murder of Angelina Rosetti. Michael was going to spend years in prison, for which Sara was grateful.

Nick and Sara left PD and made their way back to the lab in a comfortable silence each one thinking about the case.

When they got to the crime lab no one else but Grissom was around. Shift had been over for a while and everyone else had gone home. Grissom asked Nick about the case "Nick did you find out who killed the vic?"

"Angelina Rosetti was killed by her lover who was her boyfriend's brother. He got jealous and killed her." Sara answered the question irritated at Grissom and not caring what Grissom thought. She walked away.

Grissom watched her walk away. She had never taken that tone of voice with him before and he didn't like it. Sara acted like she didn't care. He didn't want to lose her so he would ask her out that night, wait she had that night off, he would ask her the next night. Nick watched Grissom's face and was shocked by the expression on his face. Grissom walked back into his office and Nick took off down the hall to the locker room where he knew Sara was. They both grabbed their things and as they walked out. Grissom heard them talking, he had left his door open. Nick asked Sara "Are we still on for breakfast at your place?"

Grissom heard Sara reply "Of course we are Nick; I'll meet you at my apartment. Okay?"

"Sounds good to me I will meet you there." Grissom couldn't hear them anymore. Sara seemed to be spending more and more time with Nick. Grissom didn't want to lose Sara. Grissom did love her but he was afraid of his feelings for Sara so he kept pushing her away and pulling her back in; giving her just a little bit of hope. Sara seemed to be withdrawing from him. He realized he needed to make his move before he lost her. Grissom would talk to her about a possible relationship. She wasn't going to be there that night; she and Nick both had the night off. He hoped they would not be spending it together. He knew they were close friends. Grissom was sure that Sara would leap at the chance to go out with him and explore a possible relationship. They would have to keep it quiet. No one could find out about it. With that in mind he took a file that was on his desk and got back to work. Boy was he in for a surprise though he didn't realize it was already too late.


	2. Chapter 2

Sara's Secrets

Disclaimer: i do not own CSI or it's characters

A/N: Please review as I am new at writing thank you to my beta

sorry it took so long to update I am in the process of moving

Chapter Two

Outside the Lab

Nick walked Sara to her Denali and told her that he would follow her over to her apartment. Before Nick left and got into his own vehicle he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Sara was speechless. She stood there for a good minute after Nick walked away and got into his own Denali. She shook her head and got into her own vehicle. She was surprised that Nick had done that.

Nick was happy Sara hadn't hit him. She was speechless he knew. There was hope for him yet. When she had talked like that to Grissom, Nick realized that she was indeed over him which had brought joy and hope to his heart. Nick loved Sara.

Nick followed Sara over to her apartment and parked next to her vehicle and followed her up the stairs to her third floor apartment. Sara unlocked the door and they walked into the entry hall, dropping her keys and purse on the table there. She was nervous; she liked Nick and hoped that he cared about her too. After the kiss on the forehead, she hoped he did, otherwise this could put a strain on their friendship. She couldn't lose him as a friend. He meant too much to her.

Nick could tell Sara was scared and nervous. She stared at him for a long moment as he stared at her too. Their eyes locked and the next thing she knew Nick was kissing her. He pulled back to see what her reaction would be and she smiled at Nick; it was okay. So he kissed her again as she brought her arms up and wrapped them around his shoulders. He stuck his tongue out begging for entrance into her mouth which she happily granted. Their tongues dueled for dominance. They finally had to pull apart because breathing became difficult. Nick rested his forehead on her forehead.

"Is this okay?" Nick wanted to know if she wanted this.

"Yes it is. What do you want out of this? Friends with benefits, fling or something more?" Sara was scared that he wanted just friends with benefits or a fling and she wanted all of Nick, not just the sex, which she was sure would blow her mind if he was as good at that as he was at kissing. He had a reputation; he had been with a lot of different women. She wasn't like his usual taste, leggy, blonde with no brains. They may win beauty contests but they were no rocket scientists and, to be honest his reputation scared her. She wanted a real relationship with Nick though.

"Sara I've cared about you for a long time. I've always wanted us to be together in a relationship. I never wanted to be just your friend. I've wanted to be everything to you as you are to me." Nick looked at Sara as he poured out his heart's desire to her.

"Nick I've wanted that too, I just never realized it till recently. I've decided that it's time you were told about my past and after I tell you, you've got to decide if you still want to be with me. I would understand if you don't; part of my past is ugly I'll understand, but first let me make breakfast so we can eat. I'm starving." She went to walk into the kitchen but Nick grabbed her arm.

"Sara nothing you say is going to stop me from wanting to be with you." Nick said, knowing that nothing in her past could change how he felt about her. He wasn't ready to tell her how deeply he loved her yet. He knew she wasn't ready to hear it.

"I hope not, Nick, but we'll see. How do you feel about pancakes?" Sara tried to change the subject.

"I love pancakes. Sara, whatever it is it won't stop how I feel about you and wanting to be with you." Nick smiled at Sara trying, to reassure her.

"Okay. First I have to get down the flour." Sara said talking to herself as she gathered the ingredients for her pancakes.

"Why do you need flour?" Nick asked, curious "Pancake Mix comes in a box."

"Nick I grew up at a bed and breakfast. I make pancakes from scratch not from a box." _ A box! _Sara thought.

"Oh wow, I don't even have flour at my house." Nick informed Sara.

"You don't have flour?" Sara was stunned, she couldn't imagine a house without flour.

"Sara I don't cook. It is easier to order out and have it delivered than it is to cook for one person. You've been to my house. Have you ever seen me cook?"

Sara thought for a minute "Not that I can recall."

"Sara I know how to cook. It's just when it's just me, it's just easier to pick up the phone and have food delivered."

"I know what you mean. There is no fun in cooking just for yourself. Nick would you please get the plates and silverware out and set the table. These are almost done. You know where they're at."

"Okay Sara." Nick got the plates down and set the table.

Sara put the pancakes on a plate and got out the syrup and sugar, putting them on the table as well. They each got a cup of coffee. They ate and talked about movies, Discovery channel, forensic journals they had read recently and work, but nothing about Sara's past.

Nick wanted to hear about Sara's past and why she thought that he would leave her when he just got her. Nothing would make him leave her; he loved her and he didn't want anyone else. He wanted Sara to be his one and only, his girlfriend. He didn't want to just casually date her. He wanted to be in a serious relationship with her, one that would last forever; but he didn't think she needed to know that right now. He knew that they needed to talk about what they both wanted out of a relationship; he hoped it was the same thing.

They finished their pancakes and washed the dishes and took a fresh cup of coffee into the front room. Sara was nervous about what she was going to tell Nick. She hadn't talked about it in years.

"Nick what I am about to tell you I need you to keep it to yourself, you can't tell anyone, not even Warrick. I need you to promise me that you won't say anything to anyone." Sara said with a grave face.

"I promise you Sara I won't tell anyone. This will stay between us." Nick looked at her with a feeling of dread. He had a bad feeling about what she was going to tell him.

"Okay, Thanks." Sara took a deep breath and then started, "When I was 6 my father started sneaking into my room and molesting me." Sara had tears in her eyes as she remembered him sneaking into her room that first time.

"Oh God Sara I am so sorry." Nick was horrified that she had to live through that. He knew how that felt, he would tell her about his own abuse at the hands of a last minute babysitter later.

"When I was nine my father told me he was going to give me a special gift. He took me out on the boat that my parents used for their bed and breakfast guests. He had told my mother that he was taking me out for a ride on the boat alone since his present to me was the boat ride. I had never been on the boat before; he had told her that he wanted some father daughter alone time. My mother thought that was great. My mother packed us a lunch and he took me a ways out on the boat and he raped me. He said he was going to make me a woman. It hurt like hell, but I knew better than to scream. He made me do some other stuff that I hadn't done before that day. He said he was going to teach me how to make my future husband happy. He was going to teach me how to please a man. I hated him after that day." Sara was almost sobbing by now.

"Oh Sara I'm sorry you had to live through that." Nick grieved at what was done to her. He understood where she was coming from because of his own rape.

Sara continued. "When I was twelve, my mother found out about the abuse and she stabbed him as he was raping me. There was blood all over me and all over my room." Sara is sobbing hard as she finished telling her story.

Nick held her in his arms and let her cry her heart out which devastated Nick. Nick didn't know what to say to her to take the hurt away so he just held her in his arms. Sara started to calm down and she continued "You see in my house my brother and I were used to the yelling, the fighting, and the trips to the hospital. We thought everybody lived like that. My parents both would hit my brother. Mom would hit me sometimes, but my brother got it a lot worse than me. Dad didn't like to see bruises on me unless he put them there when he was molesting and raping me. He liked flawless skin. So I was pretty safe that way, but not always. We thought that all families were like that. Dad sneaking in to my room whenever he could. I was his 'special girl' he said but I was never to tell anyone that. I didn't understand why but I obeyed him otherwise there would have been hell to pay. When I was ten I was going to tell on him and I told him so. He said if I told anyone he would start raping my brother and I told him he couldn't do that because he didn't have a vagina, so he couldn't rape him. He took me out on the boat and told me he would rape his ass, and I told him that was disgusting and so he showed me he could do it; he raped my ass. He did it to prove he could do it, but he enjoyed it and it became a regular occurrence. I had no control over what was happening to me. My brother found out about it right after that and started doing the same thing to me. He would come into my room after Dad had left it and he would rape me and make me do other things to him." Sara was sobbing again as the memories came back and Nick moved slowly as to give Sara some time to pull away if she wanted to. He held open his arms and she fell into them for the second time.

"Sara it wasn't your fault, any of it. You had no control over what your father or brother did."Nick took a deep breath. "Just as I had no control over when I was nine and I was raped by a last minute babysitter. I felt dirty and took a shower rubbing myself raw after she was done. I couldn't get clean enough. I'm sorry this happened to you but it doesn't change the way I feel about you Sar." Using the nickname he gave her when she first moved to Vegas.

"Nicky how horrible I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad that it doesn't change the way you feel about me. Do you still want to be with me?"

"Yes Sara more than anything, nothing will change that. I want to be your boyfriend not just date you. I want to have an exclusive relationship with you, I want to be with just you and no one else." Nick reassured her.

"That's what I want too." Sara knew there was more to tell him and he needed to know the rest of it, about her ex-husband and her children. She took a deep breath ready to tell him the rest. "There's more Nicky." He looked at her and wondered what else there could be, wasn't that enough. Sara had been through so much and now she told him there was more.

"What is it Sara?" He asked, scared of what else she would say.

"I got married when I was twenty-three and shortly after the marriage I got pregnant with twin boys.I named them Trevor and Travis. They would now be 8. I got pregnant again I also have a little girl named Jasmine who is almost 7. My husband Peter and I started fighting. He started staying at work later and later, he was irresponsible and wanted to go out all the time but we couldn't; we had kids; we couldn't drop everything and go out. We used to go dancing all the time and clubbing and to bars and parties, and then all of a sudden I got pregnant and we were responsible for three kids and he didn't understand why things had to change. We were fighting about it all the time. And then I found out he was cheating on me so I filed for divorce and for custody of my children. The divorce was granted and custody was given to me with only visitation rights for every other weekend to Peter, one weekend he didn't bring them back. I haven't seen them since. He took my babies, Nick" Sara cried and Nick just held her shocked.

Sara was a mother who loved her children. He wouldn't of ever thought she had children. She never talked about or mentioned them or an ex-husband. Sara had opened up to him about her past. She had been through so much in such a small amount of time. He wanted to help her, but he wasn't sure how to; all he could do was listen and hold her while she cried and to cherish her which he swore he would do every single day for the rest of his life if she let him.

Sara was emotionally drained. "Sara" Nick said getting her attention. "I think you should go lay down, I will be out here on the couch should you need anything. You need to rest."

"Nicky would you mind coming to bed with me and just holding me while I sleep? I need to feel your arms around me. I feel safe with you." Sara pleaded with him.

Nick got off of the couch and held out his hand to her and guided her into her bedroom. He went into her bathroom and got a warm washcloth so he could wipe her face. Nick took the washcloth back to Sara's bedroom and she was already in a tank top and shorts ready for bed. He went up to her and wiped the tear streaks off of her face and the makeup that was smudged and dried mascara that was on her cheeks.

"Nick, I can do this." Sara protested not wanting to appear weak.

"Sar, let me take care of you. I really need to do this for you." Nick requested. He needed to help her in the only way he could and she understood this.

"Okay, Nicky, thank you for everything." Nick finished washing her face and took the washcloth back to the bathroom. He returned to the bedroom and lied down on top of the covers with his jeans still on. Nick didn't want to make Sara uncomfortable by stripping down to his boxers like he did at home.

"Nick, you can take your jeans off and get under the covers. I won't bite, at least not yet." Sara joked with Nick, Sara sobered up and she continued. "and I want you under the covers holding me if that was alright?" Sara locked eyes with Nick as she said this.

Nick got up and took off his jeans to reveal his Don't Mess With Texas boxers, he then took off his shirt to reveal his six pack abs and then he climbed into the bed under the covers and took Sara into his arms. Sara felt safe with Nick and even though she knew the nightmares would come she knew she was safe with Nick.


	3. Chapter 3

Sara's Secrets

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or its characters

A/N: please review I am new to fan fiction and would like your input thank you to my beta reader I really appreciate you taking the time to edit my stories

Chapter Three

Nick and Sara fall asleep with Nick's arms around Sara, both at peace, which didn't last long. As she slept Sara had a nightmare that she was sure she would have after talking about her father. Sara dreamt about her father and her brother and what they did to her. She woke up screaming. She sat up, waking Nick in the process. Nick held Sara and let her calm down before he asked her what she was dreaming about, although he was sure he already knew.

Sara looked at Nick and started to tell him about one of her worst memories of when after her father left her room after raping her one night; her brother had snuck into her room and raped her which had been going on for a while. As he raped her, her father came back into the room. Her mother wasn't there; she had to take one of the guests to the hospital. The guest had fallen and broke her leg, they thought. So her father came back to her room so he could rape her again but he was in for a shock when he saw her brother was doing to Sara what her father had been doing.

Sara took a breath. She hated crying in front of anyone and showing how weak she was. Nick held her to his chest trying to comfort her.

Sara sunk back into her memory. Her father was angry at first and then he decided that both he and her brother would rape her at the same time. Her mother was gone a long time. She had tears silently running down her cheeks as they raped her She wondered what had she ever done wrong to deserve this. She was being punished she thought, to have this done to her.

The phone rang at 2:00 a.m. Her mother told her father that she would be home soon. As he was talked to her, he was buried deep in Sara's ass. They both finished up and made her take a shower. Her father left her brother to help her clean up because after being abused like that from both of them, she couldn't walk very well. Once he got her into the shower he joined her and washed her from head to toe. He took the old sheets off and put new sheets on the bed and he put her to bed and she passed out. He took the sheets and put it in with the sheets from the bed and breakfast.

That was the worst night of her life. She had just turned twelve when that happened and two months later her mother came home early and found her husband raping her daughter. Her mom went and got a butcher knife. As he raped Sara, he suddenly jerked and blood was all over the place. He fell off Sara and Sara's mother continued stabbing him five more times. The last stab hit him through his heart, killing him instantly.

Sara was breathing awfully heavy by this time almost hyperventilating. So Nick tried to get her to calm down. "Sara you need to take some deep breaths, slow and easy."

Sara heard Nick's voice and felt his arms around her. She started to calm down and soon after her breathing was back to normal.

Nick asked her "Do you want to stop there or do you want to talk about this some more. It's up to you?"

Sara took a deep breath before she continued, trapped in memories. "That night was the first time that both my brother and father raped me together, but it wasn't the last." One night her father talked her mother into going out with friends so she could relax away from the bed and breakfast. He told her she needed a break from the inn and he wanted her to go have some fun with her friends but to call before she came home so he could have the light on for her. What he really wanted to know was how long he and his son had with Sara and so they wouldn't get caught raping her.

The night was still young after they finished the first time and her mother wasn't due home for hours, so they continued what they were doing to her. They would have sexual relations with each other and rape her at the same time. That night was long and she hurt so bad when they were finally done. Her Dad put her in the shower this time and made her get down on her knees and suck him off. After he blew his load he cleaned her up and put her to bed. Her mother came in not much later. Her Mother almost caught him in her room in the shower with her. The next time was two weeks before her mother stabbed her father to death."

Sara paused, lost to the horrors of her memories and then she continued.

Her father had convinced her mother to go on a cruise for a week with a disabled friend of hers who needed help. Her father told her mother that her brother would help him with the inn and take care of Sara. Her mom left and every night they were in her room. After school. During the day too. It was a horrible seven days. All she wanted was for her mother to come home so they would stop. They told her they were teaching her how to please her future husband.

Sara sarcastically laughed at that and Nick ran his hands down her back trying to comfort the woman in his arms. He didn't know what to say; she had been through so much. Sara finally continued.

"They did horrible things to me during that week. Things I never want to think about again. But the nightmares come and I feel like I'm back in that room again with them raping me."

Finally her mom came back from her trip and instead of them in her room all the time day and night they had to wait for night time. Had to wait for her mother to go to sleep before her Dad could leave his bed for hers. After he was done her brother would sneak into her room.

"One night," she let out a small hiccup. "My brother snuck in before Dad got there. He was in the bathroom watching Dad rape me and as soon as Dad left, he raped me violently. He was real violent that night slapping me; pinching my breasts; and slamming into me."

"The next night my brother Ryan joined my father in my room. He motioned me over and I knew better than to not do what he wanted. He told me to lay down on the bed and they did horrible things to me." She hated what she was forced to do. She didn't have a choice she would have been punished if she didn't do what they wanted her to do.

Finally they were done and her father went back to his bedroom. Luckily for him, her mother slept like the dead so she never noticed he was gone. She thought Ryan was done for the night, but how wrong she was; he was just getting started. While he raped her he would say lewd things to her about how tight her pussy was or her ass and things like this how much he enjoyed what he had done to her. Her father and her brother both knew that she could not stop them from doing all these horrible things to her.

Nick was horrified at what Sara went through. All he can do was hold her as she told her story crying. If her father wasn't already dead he would kill him himself. He hated what he had done to Sara, What had happened to her brother Ryan, he wondered if he should ask her. He decided that he needed to know.

"Sar, where is your brother at?"

"Nick after Mom killed Dad they put us together in the same foster home thinking that after Mom killed Dad that we needed to stay together. Boy were they wrong. You see Mom went nuts when she killed Dad. She was catatonic. My brother Ryan cleaned me up and the evidence of what Dad was doing to me when she stabbed him. He told me not to say anything about what Dad and he had done to me or he would hurt and kill me. I believed him. So I didn't say anything. We had been taught that the police were bad and that they would hurt you. So I kept my mouth shut and Ryan told the police that Mom had been seeing someone behind Dad's back and when Dad confronted her in my bedroom while Mom was making the bed. With her adultery exposed, she went and got a knife and stabbed him six times, then went catatonic."

Since she was catatonic, she couldn't tell them any different. So the police believed her brother. They had no reason not to. Why would a sixteen year old lie to them? Case closed. Her mother went to a sanitarium and the state sent her and her brother to the same foster home.

Sara stopped for a moment to compose herself some before she continued. Nick continued to rub her back and hold her in his arms.

The couple that was our foster parents worked the night shift. Ryan told them that he would watch out for me so they wouldn't have to hire anyone. They thought that was wonderful, that a brother cared that much about his sister to take care of her.

"Ryan had a girlfriend by this time and she would come over and they would make out but she wouldn't put out. When she was gone he was all hot and bothered, so he would come into my room and rape me like he did before, saying dirty words to me as he did it. Telling me how good I was.

This went on for two years until Ryan was eighteen. His girlfriend wanted to wait until she was married to have sex. She thought her boyfriend was so understanding but she didn't realize Sara was paying the price until one night she was at a friend's house at a sleep over. His girlfriend got him all hot and bothered and she wasn't there so he told his girlfriend it was time to put out. He grabbed her tits. She told him no and slapped his face. He lost it and shoved her down on the floor and raped her two times and made her suck him off before he was finished. She went to the police even though he threatened her. He went to prison and they never found out what he did to Sara.

Two years later Sara went to Harvard and put it behind her.

Sara told Nick "I usually don't have nightmares, just once in a while. My ex-husband wondered if something had happened to me but I never told him. Besides a counselor that I went to see, no one knows except for you. I trust you Nick." Sara finished up and was emotionally exhausted. Again it was hard for her to tell Nick what all had happened but he needed to know what he was letting himself in to.

Nick didn't know what to say, I'm sorry sounded so useless in this situation. He was shocked and horrified at what she had been through; that Sara had lived through that; but Nick was going to be there for Sara no matter what. He loved her and that meant taking all of Sara, not just the good but the bad also.

"Sar, I'm here for you no matter what, I will be here whenever you need me, to just talk to, to hold you, to hold onto when you need someone. Not just as a friend but as a boyfriend too. I want to help you through this if you will let me."

"Nicky thank you for saying that I do appreciate it and I know you will be here for me. This usually doesn't affect me like this. I only have the nightmares once in a while now but, when I have a rape or domestic violence case or when I talk about it and remember what I went through the nightmares come. This is the first one I've had in two months. Nick I told you this because I really do care about you and I trust you. You have always been there for me and I thought you deserved to know if you are going to be in my life romantically. You have a right to know what I have been through."

"Sara I am if you'll let me be there romantically. I can't think of anything I want more than that." Nick said while looking at Sara with hope in his eyes.

"Thank you Nick for taking me as I am and still being here after I told you what happened to me. You didn't run out the door. I thought you might not want me if I told you what my father and brother had done to me and what they made me do."

"Sar you are what you make of yourself and you have made yourself into an amazing woman who I am honored to call you my girlfriend if you'll let me? I want to be your boyfriend Sara, so what do you say Sunshine?" Nick wore his heart on his sleeve like always. You never have to guess with him.

"Well Cowboy you have got yourself a girlfriend." Sara yawned after she says this. It had been a long, emotional day and she was worn out.

"Let's try to go back to sleep. You think you can?" Nick asked worried about Sara seeing how tired she was.

"Yes just hold me Nick." They laid back down and Nick took her in his arms spooning behind her.

"My pleasure darlin'. Wake me up if you need me okay?"

"Okay Nick Thanks"

"You are very welcome Sara."

Nick held Sara in his arms as she fell back to sleep, dreaming of Nick. Sara didn't have any more nightmares that night. Nick and her slept until the middle of the afternoon.


	4. Chapter 4

Sara's Secrets

Disclaimer: i do not own CSI or it's characters

A/N: first story please review thank you to my beta reader I really appreciate your help

Chapter Four

Nick awoke with Sara still in his arms and he is hard. _Shit!_ he thought. That's just what Sara needs, to feel him aroused when she wakes up especially after what she had told him. His member is nestled against Sara's ass and wants to be introduced to Sara. Nick has always wanted Sara but he didn't want to hurry things along and lose her either. He was in this for the long haul.

Nick decides to get out of bed trying not to wake Sara up. He got out of bed and watched Sara for a moment. Then he headed to the bathroom to take care of his problem. He doesn't want to scare Sara off by moving too quickly.

While he was in the bathroom Sara started to have a nightmare. She woke up with a scream, scaring Nick, who has just finished in the bathroom and was washing his hands. He hurried back to Sara. He took her in his arms and held her as the nightmare drifted away.

"What happened, Sunshine? Another bad dream?" he asked.

" I felt safe when your arms were around me but when I felt you leave the bed I had a nightmare. You kept the monsters away last night." Sara explained to Nick, and knew that he understood; when she was in his arms she felt safe and the demons that haunted her disappeared.

"Sara I am sorry that I had to go into the bathroom. I had to take care of something." Nick didn't want to admit what it was for fear of turning Sara off, she had been through enough without adding his sex drive into the equation. He didn't know how Sara was going to handle that. It was something to think about later and something to talk to her about later.

"It's not your fault Nick, the nightmares always come at this time of year. In two weeks it will have been twenty years since my mother killed my father and no matter how long it's been it seems like it was just happened yesterday. I'm sorry for dragging you into my mess." Sara paused unsure if she should say anything. "Nick I know why you went into the bathroom, I could feel you against me and I can see the tent in your boxers. I am not afraid of you and what being with you will entail."

"Sara I want to take this slow, I don't want to rush into things that we are not ready for. I want to be with you, sex is just part of what I want with you; a big part, but just a part of what I want. I want everything Sara. I want to wake up next to you and talk to you and laugh with you and walk in the rain with you just because we feel like it. I want it all with you Sara, you are my best friend and I want that to continue I just want to add to it and be with you in every sense of the word. I don't just want to jump in the sack with you for the sake of having sex. I want a lot more than that. That's why I went into the bathroom I don't want to rush it. I want us to take our time really get to know each other outside of the lab in a romantic sense, not just as friends but really get to know each other. I want to make love to you Sara, not just sex." Nick laid his cards out on the table telling her what he really wanted, wearing his heart on his sleeve.

By now Sara has tears of joy in her eyes at what Nick has told her. She realized she wants the same thing. A round between the sheets would be fun but it would be just sex and like he said he wants more. Sara never thought she would hear Nick say anything like that and certainly not to her. Sara wasn't like the other woman that Nick had gone out with. For one she wasn't a tall blonde and for two her IQ was in the triple digits and his usual dates could barely spell their names.

Sara had been a little concerned about what Nick wanted from her. She should have known that Nick wouldn't just want a roll in the hay. He wanted more and she was very happy at that because she did too; she wanted more than just a night or two with Nick, she wanted forever with Nick and that scared her and excited her at the same time.

"Sar are you okay? I didn't mean to make you cry." Nick is concerned that he said too much too soon. Nick felt horrible for making her cry.

"Oh Nick! No one has ever said anything like that to me before and I am so happy right now. I want all that with you too and it excites and scares me at the same time. It's been so long since I've had anyone in my life that cares about me and didn't just want to jump in bed with me but wants to take the time to really know each other. I've been looking for that all my life. Someone who is there for me as you have always been. You are my best friend. I want to make you happy like you have made me." Sara spoke from her heart to Nick; she thought that she just may be in love with Nick Stokes.

"Sar you do make me happy. I am happier now that I am here with you than I have ever been. Waking up with you in my arms gave me a sense of peace that I have never had. I didn't want to get up I wanted to stay with you, with my arms around you, holding you and when we do make love that's what it will be making love, not just sex and we are not ready for that yet."

"I want that too Nick, but I need to get up and go to the bathroom. If you want to go make a pot of coffee I'll take my shower. Do you have clothes you can change into in your Denali or do you want to go home?"

"I have a bag of clothes In the Denali. I'll get them and take a shower after you if that is okay." Nick has picked up his jeans from the floor and was stepping into them with Sara watching.

Nick was sexy as hell and she needed to go into the bathroom-not watch him get dressed-but she couldn't help it. She wanted to be with Nick but Nick was right; they should wait. "You are welcome to the shower after I have mine. I'll even save you some hot water." Sara told him as she headed to the bathroom.

Nick just smiled. Nick went down to his Denali and grabbed his bag of clothes and headed back up to Sara's apartment. He went in and shut the door. He headed to the coffee machine and, knowing his way around Sara's apartment and kitchen from all the time they spend at each other's places, knew where everything he needs was. He got eggs out to make them omelets. She had no meat in her apartment because she was a vegetarian so he would make do with vegetables in the omelets. He was just finishing up when she came down the hallway, through the living room and into the kitchen. She saw Nick cooking breakfast at 2 in the afternoon. "Thanks Nick." She gave him a light kiss on the lips. She pulled away but he pulled her back to him and really kissed her passionately. They stood there for a few minutes trading kisses. "The food is going to be cold." Sara looked at Nick with longing.

"You are right. Let's eat. Do you know this is the first vegetarian omelet I have ever made? I like meat in my omelets."

"Poor baby. You'll just have to get used to it if you are going to here with me." Sara thought for a minute she didn't like meat but that was her choice but Nick does. She decided something and told Nick "I'll tell you what, you can bring some meat over just don't expect me to cook it. You can have a drawer in the fridge for it."

"You are serious? Sara you hate meat! Why are you willing to have it in your fridge?" A surprised Nick watched Sara and asked her wondering what her answer would be.

"Nick I care about you and you like meat and I hope you are here enough with me that you will be eating here a lot. I want you in my life Nick and I want you to have what you want and you like meat just because I don't doesn't mean you have to go without what you like. So I will clean out a shelf in the fridge so you can put some meat in there." Nick was speechless; He's surprised that Sara is willing to let him have meat in her house just because he likes it.

Nick is surprised by Sara but thinks this is good not because he likes meat but because Sara is willing to do this because it is something that he would like that she wants him there with her. "Thank you Sara. It means a lot to me that you are willing to do that for me. I will clean out a drawer or two so you can have vegetables at my place so when you are there you will have something you like there too. Hey I have an idea let's go to the store and you can choose what kind of food you want to keep at my house and I can choose what I want here. I intend to spend as much time as possible with you. I hope you don't get tired of me."

"I won't Nick, I promise you that. I really care about you and want to make this work." Sara reveals her feelings on her relationship with Nick. She was in it for the long haul if he was too. She trusted him and was willing to do anything to make him happy and if she had to put up with meat in her apartment so be it.

They finish eating and Nick goes to jump in the shower as Sara cleaned up the kitchen. She is surprised at how easy this was, being with Nick like this. Kissing him, him holding her in her sleep, him listening to the horror of what her past was like and not walking away. She was sure any man who knew about her early years would walk away. Her ex-husband who she never told of her past had walked away from their marriage in to the arms of another woman because she couldn't put him first anymore and just drop everything to be with him, to put her children on the back burner, not thinking that someone had to take care of them. She wondered about her children, she missed them so much. She didn't hear the shower shut off or Nick walk into the room. Nick saw Sara with tears in her eyes and wondered what she is thinking about.

"Sar what is going on? What are you thinking about?" Nick was scared that something happened while he was in the shower.

"My children Nick, I miss them so much." Sara sobbed.

"I know Sara. I can't imagine what you are going through. But if it helps I'm here and I have two shoulders you can cry on anytime you want." Nick held his arms out to her and took her and hugged her. She dropped her head to his shoulder. "Sara does anyone else in Vegas know about your children and the fact that they have been kidnapped." Nick figured that Grissom knew.

"Nick; I know what you are asking and, no, Grissom doesn't know I even have children let alone that they were kidnapped by their father. You are the only one I have told. You I trust, I don't trust Grissom." Sara looked at Nick who was looking at her in shock. He thought she would have told Grissom. Maybe her feelings for Grissom weren't as deep as he thought they were.

"Sara, what about Grissom? Are you truly over him?" Nick was concerned about what her feeling for their boss were. Would Nick lose her to him if Grissom made a move on Sara, which Grissom could when he found out they were together. There had always been a rule about Sara being Grissom's.

"Yes Nick. I am. If I wasn't then I wouldn't be here with you, kissing you, and having you hold me as I sleep. I want to be with you Nick not Grissom. Grissom could ask me out right now and my answer would be no. He is too late. He had his chance and he didn't take it. Over the last few months I have looked at what Grissom has done in regards to me and he has hurt me too bad to many times to ever give him another chance. I want you. Please believe me Nick." Sara truthfully told Nick, showing him her heart is with him and not Grissom.

Nick believed her and leaned in and kissed her passionately, showing her without words that he believed her and is happy about it. "Sar I just want to be with you, no one else. I just want to make sure you feel the same way about me. I am very happy you do. So let's get out of here."

"Where are we going Nick?" a curious Sara looked at Nick waiting for answers.

"Well you have always wanted to go to that body farm and a friend of my works there and I can go there whenever I want. I know Grissom has never taken you even though you have asked to go so I thought you would enjoy going there. Am I wrong?"

"No, Nick that would be wonderful. Thank you so much. You are right. I have always wanted to go and Grissom has taken everyone but me there. Even though I have asked many times he just ignored me. He makes me mad. He gives me the shit assignments and won't talk to me even about cases. He isn't being professional at all. That is what bugs me. He can't leave personal stuff at the door. He takes it out on me. I'm a damn good CSI and he treats me like shit. If it wasn't for you, Catherine, Warrick, Greg and Brass I would have left al long time ago."

"Sar let's not talk about Grissom today. Let's just enjoy ourselves and the fact that we are together." Nick knew how Grissom treated her and that was not right but knew no one could do anything about it because he was the boss.

"Okay Nick. What a good idea. Let's go." Sara grabbed her keys and walked out the door with Nick.

Nick took out his phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. He heard his friend answer the phone and told him he wanted to come to the body farm and bring his girlfriend, who is also a CSI, with him. His friend told him the passes would be at the gate to the body farm so they could tour the facility. They held hands as Nick drove to the body farm. They held hands all the way through the facility; Sara had the best time with Nick.

After they left the body farm, they went out to eat at a romantic little restraint that served a wide range of vegetarian dishes. They ate and talked and joked with each other and when it was time to leave it was late. They drove to Sara's apartment and Sara didn't want the night to end yet so she invited him up to her apartment. As soon as they entered, Nick kissed her passionately. They kissed till it became difficult to breath. Nick put his forehead against Sara's. He breathed in her scent, just happy to be with her like this. He never thought it was possible that he would be with Sara like this. He softly kissed her.

"I don't want this night to end. This day has been so perfect. First waking up with you in my arms, to the body farm and dinner. This is what I have always wanted; to be with you like this. I've wanted to be here with you like this since I met you but you were hung up on Grissom and I didn't think you would want to be with me, so I did the next best thing I became your best friend, as you became mine." Nick looked Sara in the eyes as he said this to her. He saw tears in her eyes, and he knew theywere tears of joy not sadness. He could tell because of the radiant smile on her face.

"Oh Nick, I wish I would have known before this how you felt." Sara was regretful of all the time she wasted on Grissom when she could have been with Nick. Nick made her feel things that no one else ever had before.

She felt like her past and what her father and brother did doesn't matter. Nick understood what she went through and didn't see her as damaged; he really cared for her and wants to be with her. She had not really had someone care for her in so long it wasn't funny. Nick showed that he cared for her and she really appreciated Nick. She thanked God that he came into her life, she didn't know that she needed him like this in her life till he was there.

"Sar, at the time it wouldn't have mattered. You were hung up on Grissom. You needed time to get over him before you could let me into your life.I understood that and so I waited for you. It was worth the wait, you are worth the wait! I promise you that."

"Oh Nick, thank you. You mean so much to me and I don't want to lose you." Sara put her hands on his chest and leaned in so she could gently kiss him on the lips.

"You never will Sara, I 'm here for you and I always will be. I want to be with you more than anything, I have waited for you for years, I am not letting you go without a fight." Nick drew in a deep breath before he continued.

"I don't want to go anywhere else or be with anyone but you, Sara, you mean so very much to me and I wouldn't have it any other way." Nick honestly told her without really telling her that he loved her and has for four years. Since the day he met her he has loved her and wanted her and knew she would never love him, never want to be with him. Now she is and he is going to do whatever it takes to make her happy, to make her feel like he cherishes her and loves her. Nick now knew she had very little love in her life except for her children. He wanted to know more about them but after last night and this morning he didn't want to press the issue. She had cried enough for now and he knew she would cry when she told him about her missing children.

"Nick, you mean so much to me too. I don't know what I would do without you in my life. You are the only one I trust completely, which is why I could tell you about my father and brother and what they did to me. I've never told anyone as many of the details as I told you yesterday not even my counselor knows all of what they did to me. I couldn't tell her but I could tell you because I trust you and I care about you very much. I would like it if you would stay with me tonight, just to sleep. I want to feel your arms around me again. i feel safe when you hold me." Sara wondered if she was asking too much of Nick.

"Okay Sara, I would love to." Nick just wanted to hold Sara in his arms as they slept. They went to bed. Nick pulled Sara into his arms after Sara went into the bathroom to change into her tank top and pajama bottoms and Nick had stripped down to his Texas flag boxers. He got into bed and was waiting for Sara when she came out of the bathroom and headed for her side of the bed. It seemed natural to slip into bed with Nick. Nick pulled her close to him wrapping his arms around her, pulling her to his chest and spooning behind her. He lightly kisses her on the cheek and they fell asleep like that.

please take a minute and review I am new at writing and would appreciate your comments Thank you


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